Life as a Shadow
by RogueOfVoid
Summary: A lonely cadet wants to be noticed among his brothers. He's tired of being ignored, seemingly non-existant to all others. Rated for later chapters.
1. Glit

~SIDE NOTES~

~this clone story was a request by my friend Sanyu Darkstar, the character belongs to her.

~Hope you like it! Please review!

Being a shadow sucks. I should know, because I feel like I am one every day. I'm there, but then I'm not. I guess why I'm named 'Shadow'. No one would care if I should die, they wouldn't even know I was missing. I'm the just the shadow on the wall no one cares about. My life in a nut shell really. But this wasn't to complain about my life, there are some good points to it. No. This was to tell you what happened to me; Shadow, in my earlier years.

At first I thought it was just a cruel joke, ignoring me all the time. The rest of my squad didn't bother looking , talking, or even wave to me. I felt very much alone. While most of my brothers nicknamed themselves, I had to nickname myself. I noticed how no one looked at shadows, never talked to them, I felt that it fit me. It did, I was a shadow, one nobody loved or cared to get to know. I loved my brothers but they never cared to even look at me.

I thought of the various things to get myself known. As a shiney, most of the time you're only known by your squad and sometimes a commander. No one knew me. I wanted to be known, I wanted attention. Slipping from shadow to shadow isn't a feat if no one cares to watch you! I thought perfecting that technique would get me noticed, show up in front of a commander and get him talking to me. That only resulted in being hauled off to the bunker, not a complete failure; someone looked at me. I debated suicide, but then no one would remember me as shadow but as 'the-clone-who-killed-himself-before-he-was-even-on-the-battlefield', worst way to go in my opinion. The other options where spice and toxins.

I've always liked toxins. Nero-toxins being on the top of the list. Paralysis, fevers, stomach ailments, cramps, temporary blindness, endless applications. Why not build up immunity to them? A trooper immune to poison seemed like a good way to get noticed. Problem was, I needed antidotes. But then again, make my own toxins. Toxins that I only had the antidote to. But again, no scientific lap to make them in. I cursed that roadblock.

Spices were easier to get. Especially from smugglers. I had doubts about starting since I had heard the lectures about spice abuse, but really I didn't care. No one cared about me, not even my bunk-mate. He was pretty cute; loud yes, but I wanted him to notice me too. Maybe shooting myself up with spice would get me the attention I wanted. I longed for someone to acknowledge me.

Moving silently among the shadows, I made my way to the hanger. A ship was being loaded with cargo for a mission. Looking at the monitors I saw they were headed to a planet known to harbor space pirates, Florrum. Where there are pirates there is spice, maybe I could get some off them. I checked my pouch for any credits. It wasn't much, 10 wupiupi coins, and ten standard credits. A total roughly of twenty standard credits. I hoped it would be enough, could use the knives I brought with me. Stealth is my ally not brute force, like most of my brothers seem to love.

I saw my break, no one was watching the cargo doors and I used my shadow traveling ability to move faster. Worked like a charm. I was on the ship and the doors to the cargo bay were closing. I was nervous, it was my first time outside the base, I didn't know what to expect when we landed on Florrum. Not that it really mattered anyway. I'd come up with something.

During the trip I did not stay in one spot. I was either too nervous or too excited to stay still for more than a minute. How long had I been in the cargo bay? A day or two? I did bring some rations with me but I wasn't sure how long they'd last, I'd have to be careful. If only I knew the layout of the cruiser. I could sneak into the kitchen and get some rations. Maybe stowing away wasn't such a good idea after all.

Then I remembered my night vision goggles. Scolding myself; since no one else would, I put them on and saw the ventilation shaft. It was small, but I could fit in it. It sure felt great being a thief, trick is not getting caught. That's the easy part for me, no one ever looks at me! I guess it has it's advantages.

Squeezing through the shaft I followed my nose, learning quickly to not go towards th strongest smell. That was the cruisers trash compactor, nearly lost my meager breakfast to that stench. There were other smells too. Bacta tanks, soap, wax. It was really quite confusing until I smelt something that made stomach growl. Yup I smelt lunch, well the smell itself was really faint but I had found the mess hall of the cruiser. Committing this to memory I found the nearest opening ans listened carefully. No one was around so I slipped down from the ceiling. I'd figure out to get back up there later, for now it was getting rations.

The kitchen was unoccupied so sneaking a few things for the day was easy. The hard part was getting back to the cargo bay. No ladder but then again I knew where I was going now. Walking up to the wall I let the shadows embrace me. It was so dark even goggles were useless, you moved on instinct. Soon I was back in the cargo bay and settled down to eat the rations I had taken.

After another five days of the same routine, the cruiser shuddered. We were entering the atmosphere of a system. I was pretty sure we were on Florrum now, and felt a new wave of giddiness wash over me. What was a 'high' like? I really wanted to know that. I should ask if the pirates take notice of me.

The cruiser stopped and I quickly crept out of the cargo bay to avoid accidental attention. The terrain was almost too much to take in. I was so used to seeing white walls, and dark ocean scapes outside the windows of the cloning facility, not grand, earth, and bright skies. In the distance I saw buildings. Low to the ground but seemed to be where my brothers were headed with a jedi general in front. It was easy shadowing them, their white armor made them noticeable and I followed them to where a large group of dark skinned sentients were gathered. It seemed to be a information trade off.

I broke off from the others then. While they were busy trading information, I snook around the encampment looking for a spice dealer. I saw many of the sentients drinking and fighting with each other. There was a large stack of black crates close to the main building. So naturally I decided to take a look.

Upon closer inspection, the crates seemed to contain medical supplies. Looking even closer I noticed a corner of the label was loose. Prying it away I saw that the contents were actually something called Glitterstim. I had no idea what that was, but from the label it said to keep it out of the light and no more than 4 grams per day. I was pretty sure it was a dosage for whatever Glitterstim was, it certainly didn't sound like medication to me.

I was about to open a crate to see the contents myself when I head footsteps coming towards my position. Quickly I hid among the crates. One was already open so I took a few black packets to examine them. Doubt the pirates would notice three packets missing.

I heard one tell another to move the spice to the back of the main building. I was in luck. In my possession were three packets of light sensitive spice. I wondered what the effects were but thought I'd find out on the way back.

Sneaking back to the cargo bay, the others were preparing to depart. Being as silents as my boots would allow I snook back on board the cruiser and waited for the cargo bay doors to close. I was excited, first time using a spice and the possibility of being noticed seemed too good to be true, I just hoped it was. If this were a dream I didn't want to wake up. Not ever.


	2. First love

**~Side notes!~**

**hey I finally uplouded this! Yay! Thanks for being patient with me Sanyu DarkStar and yes Shadow, you can be happy now.**

**As a warning most of my works will involve sexual content and course language. Do not flame me for it.**

**Well enjoy the sad tale of Shadow.~**

I sat between two large crates reading the instructions on the packets. I needed a syringe. I wasn't fond of them but that's what the drug required I guess. I didn't have any but good thing I knew where the infirmery was.

Slipping into the darkness around me, I found my way to the cruiser's infirmery. No one was there aside from the med droid, which was charging. I had all the luck. If only that luck got me noticed; I wanted to be noticed, to be like the others. I wanted to talk with them, laugh, have fun as one of them. I hoped this drug would allow me that one wish.

Taking what I needed, I went back to the cargo hold. The dark, quiet, empty cargo hold; I wanted to share my world with someone special, but no one liked the darkness. I would change that. This dug would change that.

After filling the syringe, I stuck it into my forearm. Not too careful, I admit, I made a bit of aa mess of my arm. The pain was sharp and the feeling of the syringe empting its contents into my bloodstream was something else. My head felt so clear, until...

All at once voices were bombarding my brain. So many all at once. I screamed wanting it to stop. When they slowed down, I realized that i wasn't hearing voices but the thoughts of others, I was hearing everything. I smiled, thi drug will prove usefull in the times to come.

A few days later, the cruiser had returned to base and i went back to my bunker. Sure enough, no one even noiced I was gone. If only they did, what would they say?

After they had allhad gone to bed, I injeced another dose of glitterstim. My arm was beginning to bruise from the last dose I had. I grinned, maybe someone would notice that. It wasn't like the showers had individual stalls in the refreshers we had access to.

As the thoughts sorted themslves out once more, one stood out from among the others. A single plea for some one to stop. It perked my intrest so I followed the little thought to it's source, behind a locked door. Merging into the shadows, I saw into the room. There was one bed but three clones. One had bright red hair and his eye caught my attention. They were a beautiful gold colour, and i could tell it was his plea I was hearing. He sat atop of another clone with obvious scarring on his torso from past battles. The largest one had a scar running from from above his right eyebrow, over the top of his head, to the base of his skull. The smallest one's plea was because of the one with the scar on his head trying to force his way inside of him. He was shoved away by the one under the beautiful red head. I wanted to know his name.

The larges one was named Gash. I didn't like him at all, he made both clones bleed. But he was also the first one to tire out. The one the red head had started to ride willingly was named Fang, he seemed gentler than bu I really anted to know the red head's name. Then it came to me; through the haze of feelings and emotions, it was the most beautiful name I had ever heard. Lucifer.

I loved his voice, so peircing yet pure. I wanted more than anything for him to look at me. I didn't know why, I just wanted him to if no one else did. It had to be him.

I flt bad for Lucifer. Out of the clones he could see in front of him, none of them loved him. I would love him if he gave me the chance to. His heart felt thought rang clear to me "Will I ever meet someone who'll love me?" I smiled in spite of him not being able to see me, but i was too scared to step forward.

I wanted to scream out my thoughts. " I'll love you, I'll make you feel good everyday if you'd only notice me." I wanted so badly for him to notice me. Only Lucifer. One day I'll get him to look my way. That is all I need.

**~ Le gasp! Crossover! Yeah I did cross two stories over. The other one is called _The one named Lucifer_ and can be found on my profile.**

**~ Thanks again for being such patient readers! ~Rogue**


	3. My longing

**SIDE NOTES!**

**~Yay for cross overs! Ok yeah I'm really hyper and really happpy to have gotten this typed.**

**~READ The One Named Lucifer first and this angle will make more sense. **

**~Warning for sexual content as always and enjoy!**

He touched me! He did! OK not physically, but he touched me! His hands were so gentle, soft and not calloused. I wanted to be held by him, to hold. For now I'll wait, it was too soon. How would I introduce myself to him? Certainly not 'Hi I'm Shadow, the one in the wall who you touched when you were sick and alone". That would not end well at all. I didn't understand my attraction to him, I was like an Alessian terror moth to an open flame, obsessed, confused, driven, and soon to be consumed. I wanted to be consumes by those fiery golden orbs, tangle my fingers in his red hair, hear his voice calling my name, see him smile when he sees me, feel his warmth as he sleeps next to me...

OK calm down Shadow, recap...

I had been following Lucifer for a while now. He seemed to know I was there, no one else knew I was there. He'd always look over his shoulder looking scared and confused. He didn't see me. I was there; in his shadow. I couldn't face him.

He told a commander; named Cody, that he felt eyes watching him but he shook it off as silly. If only he knew I had heard him. I did exist; I felt pain, emotion, and my environment. Lucifer's anxiety was normal.

I noticed he hadn't be acting like himself. He was sluggish, stiff and; later on in the week I had been following him, a little green around the gills. I thought the poor guy was becoming sick. I was proven right one morning when he ran to the refresher five times in one morning. Poor guy, I wanted to hold him until he felt better, but that would be too shocking for him just now.

After he was commed by a commander , Cody I think his name was, he debated going to the med bay, but I saw the puncture scars on his upper arms, any medic would be able to find out the spice he was on, and most likely 'recondition' him.

"Don't see a medic." I said realizing he couldn't see me, and again looked in my direction. When he didn't see me ; I was hiding in his shadow, he reached out his hand and touched my arm and I felt my body tremble beneath him. I wanted him so badly, all of him, to feel him engulf my-

No, I couldn't. Not yet, he needed to see me first, to know my name so he could scream it in his moment of pure ecstasy. I couldn't touch him now, so I left the isolated bunker to find a refresher.

Once I found one that was empty, I turned on a cold shower and stripped down before stepping into it. The cold bacta was a shock. I was already so warm, and I couldn't cool off. Growling I turned up the temperature and just stood there, battling the profane images of Lucifer that assaulted my mind. He was so vulnerable, beautiful, hurt. I wanted him, but I couldn't have him just yet. My body said otherwise. A heat was growing in my lower torso and my hands moved on their own accord. One was caressing my chest, the other my er... cock? It felt so wrong but I couldn't stop, then it felt wonderful. I couldn't stand upright and sat on the shower floor stroking the hardened appendage.

I knew my face was red, and no one was there to even notice. Experimentally my hand stopped caressing my chest and joined the other in teasing the sensitive nerve-packed spheres. That's when I started screaming my lungs out. The pleasure was so intense and I peaked screaming Lucifer's name.

As I sat there panting, I felt a tear of guilt slip down my cheek. "Please look at me Lucifer..." I whispered cleaning myself up and heading to my team's bunker. I passed Gash on the way.

He didn't look like the sadist commander I saw that night. Gash actually looked sad. Whatever it was, it would affect Lucifer so I followed him. Whatever he was hiding, I was going to find out.

**~Author's Note!**

**Hyper me saying Sorry for taking so long! Love you all and I hope you enjoyed this update. I have more written and will be typing it up soon! Would love to hear you feedback and thanks for being faithful readers! ~ Rogue**


	4. Silent Threat

~Side notes~

Anyone notice how creeper Shadow is? Nah he's a good guy just alittle confused from all the neglet. Anyway enjoy this next installation!~

I followed him to his room where he locked the door, and I think he also had a chain lock. Obviously he didn't want anyone coming in his room right now. Bet he had another victem in his room, so I hid in among the shadows and found the room empty aside from the commander sitting on the bed staring at the floor.

I didn't understand why he was just sitting there staring at nothing. When he finally moved it was to pull out a locket from under his armor. I never noticed it before, maybe he only wore it when he wasn't going to rape Lucifer? Either way, when he opened the locket, he looked at it as if he were about to cry and he did.

Large salty tears fell from his eyes as he looked at the picture in the locket. I edged closer to him so I could see what was upsetting him. The picture was of a smiling brother;I think, with fluffy white hair and grey blue eyes. In neat little handwriting in the corner said "Love you forever Gash!" The punctuation accented by a cute little heart.

My thoughts were halted when Gash suddenly whisered "Why Cessy? Why did you have to do that? I loved you, so much. Why did you have to go?"

I was surprised. He could actually love someone? If so, where was this 'Cessy' now?

Gash then wailed, falling on his side bawling, calling out "Cesario!" Over and over again. Calling for him to come back. His had went to a bottle and started drinking from it. I had no idea what it was, but it smelled awfull!

By now he was babbling; I think he was drunk, about Cessy/ Cesario. I ignored most of his drabble about the guys body but tuned back in when he said something about an accedent on a plant I'd never heard of and how he wished he could have done more to save the guy.

Save? Cesario was dead? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Gash had become a rapist because this Cesario guy died? He was just lonely and upset the whole time, and probable angry at himself. But that was no excuse to rape Lucifer! How dare he do that to such a beautiful creature! I wanted to kill Gash. I would make him suffer for what he did to Lucifer, he had to suffer for his crimes. I would show no mercy. He deserved none, I would kill him so slowly that death would look like heaven for him. I'd do all of it, just to make Lucifer happy.

~Author's Note~

OWW! Hand craps! Ok I'm sorry for you Shadow fans having to wait so long. Been really distracted and busy. And now I'm on a mad typing spree to catch up on all this stuff. Hope you enjoyed crying Gash Sanyu! Love ya babe! I love my readers as well, keep up the wonderfull reveiws!~ Rogue


	5. My Little Psycho

~Side Notes!~

~Wow long time no update... I sorry! Anywhos Shadow is still being a stalker. That's not going to change. Enjoy!~

When Gash got off his rear; finally, I followed him. I didn't know where he was going but I had a guess. The direction he was heading was towards the medical wing. I had only been past it and heard rumors, but but apparently this base had the best surgeon and medic the GAR had. What did Gash want with him if that was his target?

I soon found out when I saw Lucifer walk out of the infirmary. He looked a little tired and Gash snagged him, knocking him out. He had pulled Lucifer into a storage closet and worked quickly to undress and tie him up before the unconscious cadet woke up. The knots did not seem comfortable.

When Lucifer woke up I noticed that he didn't mind being tied up like that so much, but the Gash I knew and this new gentler Gash was out of place. He may be nicer when he's hammered. Tying the love of my life was certainly uncalled for.

I couldn't hear what Gash was saying to Lucifer but it wasn't his normal jeering. By my love's expression, I could tell it wasn't mean talk. From the way Gash was touching the smaller cadet, he was obviously handling Lucifer as one would a lover. I couldn't tell if Lucifer liked it or not for the longest time. I was still angry.

Lucifer suddenly leaked that weird white stuff but Gash continued to tease the younger clone and he leaked again. I didn't think that was possible. I had only leaked that stuff once before getting tired. I was definitely confused.

Gash must of hit a nerve cause Lucifer exploded. "Are you mad! I'm Lucifer! Not Cesario! Cesario's dead!" I heard the cadet yell and to my surprise, the commander backed off. The Cesario topic must have been a touchy matter, because the commander started to cry.

Lucifer looked as equally confused as I was and slowly made his way over, turning around and gash untied him. Something was different about my Lucifer. He was assertive, and his eyes contained a burning light. It was like he had snapped cause now he was the one initiating the sex. Gash did nothing to stop him. Lucifer was avenging himself. And Gash started screaming.

He screamed for Cesario, large tears falling from his eyes. I was almost terrified but instead I smirked. Lucifer was strong and his grin was that off a mad man. I loved him even more. One day I'll tame that mad man, he will love me, and only me. The psychotic Lucifer was just as beautiful as the tormented one. One day, both would be mine.

But first he'd have to survive the encounter with Sergeant Fang.

~Author's Notes~

Hiya, sorry I got really distracted and lost Internet for a while. But I'm back and will be typing some more. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Shadow's hard to write for. ~Rogue


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